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anonymousblackstruggling.
according to a survivor friend, there's a good chance that with this latest round of bloodwork, my endocrinologist is simply doing what needs to be done to get clearance from my insurance for the super 'spensive PET scan.
but judy! you did a scan in november and it turned up nothing, you're saying. whelp, RAI scans can apparently miss a re-occurrence if it is very early. they can also miss some of your more esoteric metastasis. in this context, as with the vast majority of cancer-related contexts, "esoteric" is not in my favor. survivor friend is over her ears in esoteric thyroid cancer metastasis. she knows of what she speaks.
i am dealing with some depression, major healthcare burnout, as well as that thing that happens when you've been swept up for months in a Dramatic Life Happening and then, some of the dust clears, or at least you think some of the dust clears, revealing the huge mess of things you've left unattended for months on end and oh, god, the entropy, the fucking entropy. the unresolved. the unsaid. the spoiled milk in the refrigerator. the fear about something other than cancer killing me in my sleep. it might be refreshing, at least, to be afraid about something else? but! it is not.
i'll be talking about PET scans with my endocrinologist, you betcha, that and so much more, but for now? i'm taking a few days off.
i could really use some good thoughts and friendly notes. haiku, even. here is as good a place as any, should you not know my email address (or you keep ending up with my british namesake. she has to be getting some of my mail, considering how much i get of hers.)
according to a survivor friend, there's a good chance that with this latest round of bloodwork, my endocrinologist is simply doing what needs to be done to get clearance from my insurance for the super 'spensive PET scan.
but judy! you did a scan in november and it turned up nothing, you're saying. whelp, RAI scans can apparently miss a re-occurrence if it is very early. they can also miss some of your more esoteric metastasis. in this context, as with the vast majority of cancer-related contexts, "esoteric" is not in my favor. survivor friend is over her ears in esoteric thyroid cancer metastasis. she knows of what she speaks.
i am dealing with some depression, major healthcare burnout, as well as that thing that happens when you've been swept up for months in a Dramatic Life Happening and then, some of the dust clears, or at least you think some of the dust clears, revealing the huge mess of things you've left unattended for months on end and oh, god, the entropy, the fucking entropy. the unresolved. the unsaid. the spoiled milk in the refrigerator. the fear about something other than cancer killing me in my sleep. it might be refreshing, at least, to be afraid about something else? but! it is not.
i'll be talking about PET scans with my endocrinologist, you betcha, that and so much more, but for now? i'm taking a few days off.
i could really use some good thoughts and friendly notes. haiku, even. here is as good a place as any, should you not know my email address (or you keep ending up with my british namesake. she has to be getting some of my mail, considering how much i get of hers.)
