you can't take that stuff to canada

so sort of, um,
i might have an opportunity to do a week-long residency deal
next spring
and the um
yeah. like,
the workshop leader?
the writing god incarnate i might be able to get workshopped by?

maragret.fucking.atwood.

that's if i didn't mess up my chances.
and if i can scrape together the cash.
we'll be crowd funding, by the way, if this comes together: ask me how.
but while i'm waiting to hear back if i got in.

j: i sent the wrong writing sample.
b: why are you so convinced
j: i know it. i shouldn't have sent that thing.
b: why are you beating yourself up about this?
j: i shouldn't even have typed it out.
b: i'm sure it
j: actions have consequences, benjamin.
b: no, because
j: maragret atwood is going to think i'm a perverted maniac.
b: judy.
j: what am i saying? she isn't even going to see it unless i get accepted to this thing. which now seems unlikely. so maybe i don't have to
b: judy!
j: what?
b: do i need to take you into the study and read you passages from...
j [laughs]
b: ....any of her books?
j: ....everybody in canada except maragret atwood is going to think i'm a perverted maniac.
b: i really don't think you have to worry about everybody in canada reading it.
j: there are xerox machines in canada, ben. a copy will work its way back to maragret atwood eventually. and when it does
b: yes. yes, judy, they are going to distribute mimeographs of this writing sample at every point of entry along the canadian border
j: exactly. next to my picture.
b: with a big red "no" slashed through it.
j: that's all i'm saying. and it will be a priority to give a copy of it to maragret atwood, because she's a national treasure who needs to be protected from perverted maniacs like me. so she will read it, and when she does, she's just gonna be, what is this chick smoking.
b: well.
j: i vaporize.
b: sometimes i don't know that it's such a good idea to leave you unsupervised with this brain of yours.
j: FINALLY. SOMEBODY WHO UNDERSTANDS.