anonymousblack: (did you think you were here alone?)
1.
mirror it back. is it time? are you ready? is this what we've been waiting for, the shape of it at least, the bend and shake, the hello hello, do you read me, could you read me, would you even bother? because if this is what it looks like, we have some serious matters to discuss, and if it isn't what it looks like, why are you even here? there are all kinds of truths betrayed about us in the way we tell a lie, the sorts of lies we tell, the times and relationships we tell them into, that's before even we get into the nature of that costume. you were always making yourself up for me, putting a line where there ought to have been a telling silence, telling me what this silence should mean. so, then, silence. silence now, silence please. dissect the meaning of this silence, the ultimate reason for the place we are in. please consider: place of silence, place of unreceived messages, place of awkward telling shifts, one foot again the other, a twitch at the hip, who you've been, who you'll be, those blank spaces we'll fill in readily with stories, with interesting stories, with colorful narratives designed to conceal the true surface of our every uncertainty, the real evil that's always been calling the shots: who we are, who we are now and always, this eternal waiting room of self that we will not acknowledge until it is much too late.


2.
tell me again. tell me again who you thought i could be. tell me about the first time you saw me or, if that isn't the most persuasive tale, tell me about the first time you loved me and then tell me that story again, tell it to me over and over again. of course that's the story i will only ever want to hear: tell it again. play it at a different speed. speed it up. draw it out. draw it out slow, tease me for hours, bring me to the brink of desperate pleading then bring it back to the part where you let me pretend i'm in any kind of control. tease the narrative out of my listening, give me what i need you to give me, wound me with the absence of what you must take away. it's all the interplay of sensation and intended sensation. the reaction you'd like me to have, but not yet: the reaction you'd like me to have, but not yet: the reaction, the response, the bite and the chill, the thin rise of fear, that look in the eye, god, that look in the eye: and as it was, so it will be: never who we are, just who you've been, just who you'll be. if you want to know who you are, look into a mirror.


3.
anyway, we're tired of that framing device. it is tiresome. it's that same oily buildup we fell asleep in and then woke up to and now we stumble around bleary eyed, pointlessly trying to shake it off, pointlessly trying to scrub it off, and here it is! and here i am! again as i was as i am as i always will be and that's only this oily moment going into eternity, no escape, no surrender, or only escape if you surrender, or what the hell escape and surrender, but who's to say what the other side of that looks like? it's probably the same old thing. some old thing, some ever-present old thing we've been looking at for so long we don't see it any longer: but what's to see? oh my heart, oh my gut, oh my groin: my stomach ruing over its emptiness even as i plead for acknowledgement of my offerings: a plate a dish a bowl a box a paper wrapper an internally foil sealed tube, a bottle, a glass, a jar, a name of it a place to go something you can stand to look at for three seconds in the oily eternal moment, in the ever-recycling this too shall pass, and then there's me, and then there's you: and you? what about you? what are you about?

AND AS IT WAS
SO IT WILL NEVER BE


anonymousblack: (fire)
1.
  1. i anoint you with cypress and juniper, i anoint you with benzoin and myrrh. i consecrate you by the light of the waning moon in the smoke of cedar.
  2. i summon spirit to this mystery of mysteries, this place between the worlds, this line between the words. spirit be with us now.
  3. i laid you down in the long grass.
  4. we would not make it back to the house.
  5. and here among our numbers, here among our most intimate ranks. and here in the hallways, on the stairs and in the common places we cross paths and eyes, wondering all again: what are we capable of in our worst hours?
  6. the rim is chipped. the handle counts seven glue lines. the surface frays, a kind of panic:
  7. rattling in an empty room.
  8. except no room is empty of our assumptions about it. who else has stood here? who else remembers this space? who does this space remember?
  9. anointed with cypress. with juniper and myrrh.



2.
  1. listen:
  2. no one is two. no two is one. one cannot be two.
  3. one and two can be three.
  4. three aspects of the goddess.
  5. two cannot be one.
  6. eternity out the backwards eye.
  7. grass pressed flat beneath us.
  8. orifices ruled by the moon.
  9. each finger tipped by galaxies.
  10. each finger crookedly on its path.
  11. the path strewn with rags.
  12. the rags stained and saturated.
  13. the sound of someone running away.
  14. holy god.
  15. holy scripture.
  16. holy crown of roses.
  17. holy out and out chaos!
  18. holy fuck.
  19. benediction, cat's eye marbles.
  20. absolution and thyme.
  21. rinse the throat of bitterness.
  22. clear the throat and wait:
  23. what do i call you again?
  24. i call you shame and i call you, meandering. copper hairs gone silver in my sweater's loose weave. i call you eternity and i do not call. i call you eternity and i do not call. i call you into eternity:
  25. listen! listen:


3.
  1. his daughter does not respond to the call.
  2. his daughter is not with us at all.
  3. at the crossroads.
  4. on the path.
  5. arms open and eyes lifted:
  6. burn it. bury the ashes. bury them at the crossroads. bury them and seal the grave with consecrated water. seal the grave and call the storm: bless the storm. pray that the water flow with your intent. pray that the water falls on the ones who must hear. pray that the ones who must hear will:
  7. listen.
  8. do you know who you are? do you know what it means?
  9. do you understand what i am searching for?
  10. the wind rattles, the wind moans.
  11. his daughter stands, half in light, half in shadow. his daughter waits to be seen.
  12. who is she?
  13. and who is she?
  14. and again, who?



4.
  1. spirit thanked.
  2. spirit released.
  3. go if you must. stay if you will.
  4. hail and farewell, spirit

*

love and many returns to you all on this summer solstice.

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